(UN)DEFINING FSLUR
Who or what is or isn't fslur?
Hi! I’m Jacob, and this is Fslur.
Today, defining fslur. Who or what is or isn’t fslur? To me, fslur is like brat. Anyone or anything can be fslur, and anyone can decide what is or isn’t fslur. There are consistent vibes but no set definition.
Maybe it’s worth considering some set definitions. Faggot once referred to a bundle of sticks. To this day, fag persists in British English as slang for a cigarette. I like this incendiary throughline. Fags and faggots get lit, catch fire and burn. As a verb, to fag can mean to work hard. This can become adjectival — to be fagged can mean to be tired from working. So you can fag, get fagged and have a fag, no offense taken.
Now consider how to define the most biting version of fag or faggot. We know it’s a pejorative used mostly against men perceived as gay. A search reveals that faggot has been a derogatory term for old women for centuries, and may derive from faggot-gatherer, referring to poor women who gathered and sold firewood. There’s also the practice of fagging in British boys schools, which involves younger students serving at the whims of older students. Obviously, this backstory is much gayer and more interesting to me.
Whatever its origin, the term clearly derives from and reinforces the power dynamics of patriarchy. This is nothing new to anyone who’s been fslurred, or otherwise othered by similar means. However, other labels have been reclaimed. In reclaiming fslur, we can redefine ourselves.
I’ve taken the liberty of drafting up a definition of fslur that better suits my purposes. Going forward, I’ll try not to apply the term too loosely to anyone, particularly anyone living, in the same way I wouldn’t refer to an esteemed out queer male writer as a faggot. But if I do, I mean it with all due respect.
With that disclaimed, here’s my framework for defining fslur.
An fslur is not:
Forgetful — Fslurs may forgive, but we do not forget. We are petty. We hold grudges. We note every playful flirtation and every even slightly lingering touch. We remember everyone who envies our position and power.
Apathetic — Fslurs are not aloof. We care deeply, say what we mean and mean what we say. Fslurs are also far from apolitical. Fslurs speak out against injustice, and want everyone to achieve self-determination.
Grateful — Fslurs will not be gaslit into being grateful for crumbs of progress. Fslurs are eager to advance an ambitious fslur agenda. Okay, we haven’t been hatecrimed yet. Okay, we have some civil rights (for now). Not good enough.
Greedy — Fslurs have a generous spirit, particularly when it comes to mutual aid and found family. After all, we’re all in this together. Regarding so-called straights, fslurs accept that sometimes slow, small steps are, in fact, good enough.
Obvious — Fslurs come in many shapes, sizes and styles. Any idea of an obvious fslur likely relies on assumptions informed by the heteropatriarchy. To be clear, some fslurs are obvious, playing off certain assumptions to claim their power, and good for them.
Trashy — Fslurs are curators of culture, not garbage disposals rehashing its remnants. We slay consistently, delivering high-quality work with care. This can include our presence, our auras and our professional and creative outputs.
An fslur is:
Powerful — Fslurs claim power in rejecting the expectations of heteropatriarchy. We decide for ourselves how to present and be present. We exist outside brainless binary cults. We rewrite what so-called straights see as weakness.
Vulnerable — Fslurs accept risks, expect to be challenged and open up to trauma. We create ways to protect ourselves and process our experiences. We try to understand ourselves more deeply and find strength in our vulnerabilities.
Sensational — Fslurs are talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show-stopping, spectacular, never the same and totally unique. We make waves, turn heads and blow minds (among other things), often effortlessly simply by existing. In short, we are worth reading.
Shifting — Fslurs can stand out or blend in, switching up how we talk, walk and present on a dime. We’re always refining the ways we move through the world. We embrace change. Past is prologue, and the future is wide open.
Yummy — Fslurs are sexy because we choose to be. We are sweet, salty, suave, whatever we need to be. We hit the spot. We strive to satisfy cravings. We’re decadent. We’re guilty pleasures. Why not try a little fslur as a treat?
Bespoke — Fslurs are handcrafted, one-of-a-kind finds. Many so-called straights navigate life in mass-market motorboats, or worse, hand-me-down yachts. Meanwhile, fslurs are paddling in our own carefully carved, delicately wrought, finely finished canoes.
Open-minded — Fslurs accept and respect identities of all stripes. We rock with whatever vibe and meet everyone with compassion. We look and listen and judge, but we recognize biases informing our judgements and delight in finding our expectations subverted.
Yeehaw — Fslurs embody the swashbuckling lust for life that fuels a steady stroke against the tide. We take the bull by the horns. We get on our bikes and ride. We shoot, and sometimes we miss, but we aren’t afraid to shoot again. We go all in balls-to-the-wall hog-wild.
To be clear, this is aspirational, a manifesto for the fslur I want to embody. I fall short of these ideals. I’ve been a Forgetful, Apathetic, Grateful, Greedy, Obvious, Trashy fslur. I’m working to be a more Powerful, Vulnerable, Sensational, Shifting, Yummy, Bespoke, Open-minded, Yeehaw fslur. I’m open to refining these definitions as I refine myself. Thanks for reading along.
Thanks for reading! Do you have thoughts? Do you know someone else who might? Please pass me around, and don’t hesitate to hit me up with comments, questions and fresh ideas. Catch you next time!
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This is too beautiful 🩷